Portia (Haley Lu Richardson) and her chaotic outfits immediately became the internet’s chosen villain of White Lotus Season 2, despite Cameron (Theo James) being right there!
Portia is fan-favorite Tanya’s (Jennifer Coolidge) anxious, fresh-out-of-college assistant who accompanies her on her romantic getaway to Sicily. Portia’s situation doesn’t sound like a bad set-up, but this is White Lotus, so things immediately go south for her and just get progressively worse, like « gets kidnapped and boss dies » worse.
Each week, fans of the show congregated on Twitter and TikTok to roast Portia’s extremely loud and incredibly uncoordinated outfits, even though she dresses like someone who spends an exorbitant amount of time on those precise websites. Perhaps her haphazard ‘fits — consisting of pieces from Instagram-favorite brands like House of Sunny and ill-fitting thrifted pieces — were a little too on the nose. She had quite the eventful trip and maybe now that she’s been forced to part with her luggage, she can escape an algorithmically dictated fashion sense.
I’ll admit as a fellow Gen Zer who has made some questionable Depop purchases, I’m a Portia defender. She just wants someone « totally ignorant of the discourse » and longs for a time « when the world had more, » while simultaneously being addicted to her phone. (I am sure none of us relate!) Let the girl wear a goofy little outfit, if not in Sicily, then when?
Over the course of her stay at The White Lotus, Portia wore a lot of head-turning ensembles, and I’m here to rank them all. Her ‘fits will be ranked on three criteria: if there is any semblance of coordination, how the pieces fit her, and how iconic the look is. I’ll also be keeping track of the number of white shoes Portia packed on her trip.
Let’s dive into all of Portia’s outfits the good, the bad, and the SHEIN chic.
16. Flop-era fit
Easily the biggest head-scratcher of Portia’s ‘fits is this oversized, yet cropped Tommy Hilfiger rugby shirt with slouchy forest green linen pants (both have cinched waists) that Portia wears in episode 4. The « look » is completed with a two-toned crocheted bucket hat and her signature chunky white sandals. The rugby shirt is one of the most bizarrely cut pieces of clothing I’ve ever seen and surely a secondhand find that I have to hope looked deceivingly cute online. Portia wore this eyesore when she and Tanya officially met Quentin (Tom Hollander) — bad outfit for bad vibes!
White shoe count: 1
15. « No Problemo » crewneck
While Portia is laying low at the White Lotus, per Tanya’s request, she rolls up to breakfast in a purple, acid wash, crewneck sweatshirt that reads, « No Problemo. » Somehow each detail about that sweatshirt gets progressively worse than the last begging the question what possessed her to buy it. She wore the sweatshirt with dark-wash denim shorts, white Air Force Ones, crew socks, and a yellow scrunchy.
White shoe count: 2
14. Wetsuit mini dress
Welcome to the section of this list I like to call « decreasingly ugly dresses Portia wears with white sneakers and crew socks for some reason. » While dining alone in episode 1, Portia wears a flashy, collared mini dress in a trippy pattern with a chunky black zipper up the front that looks like it belongs on a wetsuit. As if the dress wasn’t enough of a monstrosity on its own, she wore it with lifted, white, high-top Converse sneakers and, of course, a scrunchy.
White shoe count: 3
13. Pink gingham sundress
For dinner with Albie in episode 2, Portia dresses for a middle school dance in a pink and white gingham sundress. It wouldn’t be a dress in Portia’s wardrobe if it didn’t have some strange detailing, and this one has a daisy chain across the waist. She overdoes it with the jewelry and once again wears her lifted Converse.
12. Portia’s accessorizing ruins a perfectly cute dress
Portia’s dinner outfit in episode 3 makes the case for minimalism. She wears an ultra-trendy purple and yellow crochet dress, and in true Portia fashion, she ruins the dress by tying a hideous printed shirt around her waist and pairing it with her trusted Converse. The combination of textures and patterns is a crime against crocheters everywhere.
11. The least ugly of the dress and sneaker genre
Portia’s « off to Palermo with Jack and the gays » dress is giving early 2000s rom-com. The orange dress features many fun textures and is uncharacteristically flattering. Unfortunately, Portia sucks the charm out of the garment with her Air Force Ones. It’s in this dress that we get an insight into how much Portia packed on the trip — for her two-night stay in Palermo she brought a large pink roller bag, small black duffle, and her trusty backpack. Clearly, she has trouble making decisions!
10. The Godfather shirt
For breakfast at Quentin’s palazzo, Portia wears a black, oversized The Godfather shirt with her cursed forest green linen pants, chunky white sandals, and a scrunchy. The shirt is presumably a souvenir Portia picked up on her The Godfather tour with the Di Grasso boys. It’s one of several mediocre breakfast ‘fits, but Portia just woke up, so I’ll cut her some slack.
9. Hypebeast era
This outfit is a blink-and-you-might-miss-it moment in episode 3. She wears a boxy, black shirt with green and orange checkers, unbuttoned over her bikini top, with black pants to her second breakfast with Albie and company. The shirt may be the most ill-suiting garment she wears throughout the season, and it kind of looks like something a gas station attendant might own. It would be more fitting on Essex boy Jack.
8. Breakfast with a view
Another breakfast, another novelty t-shirt and pants. Seems like Portia squeezed in some shopping because this tee features Italian race cars. This morning ‘fit is ranked higher because of her fun purple track pants that have brown and green stripes down the sides. The shirt and pants obviously don’t match, and the camera never pans to her feet, so it’s hard to say what the full look entails.
7. The infamous blue skirt
This outfit and the next are cute outfits that I have probably worn and, if anything, they’re a little boring for our girl. To go sightseeing with Albie and his family Portia wears a light green cropped polo and her multi-colored, patterned blue skirt. She pairs it with her sunglasses and sandals, and in the full ‘fit she looks like an average 20-something grabbing an iced latte in a coastal city.
6. Simple, yet effective
Portia wears a busy, bright tank top covered a cartoon woman’s face with high-waisted jean shorts and her favorite sandals to her second outing with the Di Grassos. It’s a pretty basic summer outfit and almost left me missing the mayhem of her other looks.
5. Her « cute things »
Portia’s look for her night out in Palermo is by far her most cohesive outfit of the show. Much to her haters dismay, she absolutely rises to Tanya’s demand for her to « bring some cute things. » She wears a tiny blue tube top with matching clingy bell bottoms covered in a psychedelic pattern that she pairs with white platform boots. Her hair is held up in space buns with dozens of bright blue clips and you have to commend her dedication. The most Portia thing about her outfit is her long, beaded phone chain in lieu of a purse.
White shoe count: 4
4. House of Sunny smoke show
Portia shows up to her first dinner with Jack and the gays ready to impress in a purple and green House of Sunny dress with a saucy slit. She finally pairs a dress with strappy white heels and pulls out all the stops on her makeup. She looks so good that she even successfully pulls off her chunky necklaces and shark tooth earrings.
White shoe count: 5
3. Swan sweater vest
Portia starts out the trip strong in a House of Sunny sweater vest that perfectly matches her lime green nails and beige sunglasses. The outfit gives the viewer a sense of Portia’s random style and how much time she spends on TikTok. Typical of most vacations, Portia’s first outfit is one of her best.
2. Beach cardigan rag thing
No beach fit is complete without a strange little cardigan! All of Portia’s quirks come together for the perfect outfit in episode 4. She shows up to Quentin’s beach party in white mom shorts, a zebra-printed bikini top, and a fantastic, oddball shrug. The brightly colored stripes of the sweater contrast perfectly with the zebra print. It’s exactly what Portia was trying to achieve with all her other thrown-together ‘fits, but this time? Honey, it works.
1. She’s a girlboss!
Yes, this outfit is a little bit atrocious. The pink and purple two-toned baby tee certainly doesn’t match The Blue Skirt, and the beige sweatshirt tied around her waist isn’t in the least bit helping the look, but this is the outfit she escaped Sicily in! We have to respect her decision to cope with the trauma by tying a headscarf around her baseball hat. It’s a tad iconic.
Here’s to hoping we get to see more of Portia’s clashing outfits in a future season of The White Lotus … Maybe on her honeymoon with Albie?!
