Dear Bunmi, three years ago, I fell in love with a senior colleague in the office who was married and had three children.
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I knew it was wrong to get involved with him, but he was such a considerate lover that I couldn’t help myself.
He later found a new job and left his wife shortly after … not because of me, but because he’d been unhappy about her constant affairs.
We’re now living together and planning to get married.
But my friends are insinuating that our marriage is doomed to fail because ‘what goes around, comes around.’ That the whip used to thrash the first wife could well be used on me.
They believed that even if our intentions were good, our actions were terrible.
Dear Bunmi, I’m now worried that I don’t deserve to be happy with him.
Lelia, by e-mail.
Dear Lelia,
‘What goes around, comes around’ is nothing but a cliché; not a fact of life.
If things were that simple, nobody would ever make a bad decision, because the consequences would be cut-and-dried.
But here is a fact of life: people make mistakes.
Your man’s first marriage was a mistake, which led him into your arms.
Assuming all is well in your relationship, his having cheated once does not necessarily mean he would cheat on you, despite what your friends believe.
It’s obvious his fidelity is not what worries you at the moment, but guilt feeling that leads you to believe you don’t deserve happiness because you were once the ‘other woman.’
Well, here’s another fact of life: good or bad, people rarely get what they deserve.
When guilt sets in, shut it down by thinking about how happy you are together.
Tell your busy-body friends to stick their nose somewhere else, as he did not leave his wife for you. It’s not as if you stole him from her.
What is wrong for one person can be right for another. Hopefully, you will both get it right this time around.
The post Dear Bunmi, why should I feel bad he left his wife for me? appeared first on Vanguard News.
