By Osa Mbonu-Amadi, Arts Editor
After the publication on Friday, November 18, of our brief review of Dr. Omawumi’s autobiography titled “I spoke at the American Congress: The little girl from Okere Warri”, wherein some hard questions were broached in the process of interrogating the content of her book, the author, Dr. Omawumi Evelyn Atsiangbe-Urhobo, began to react and respond to some of those hard questions in what is turning out to be a running interview. These are her responses:
Thank you for the opportunity to respond to some issues raised in your review of my book, “I spoke at the American Congress: The little girl from Okere-Warri”, that I just presented to the public to celebrate my 70th birthday anniversary. My immediate reaction (was surprise) when you raised some issues that I felt were inappropriate considering that in a 14-chapter book it was just the area of my personal life and single parenting that caught your interest. However, in trying to rationalize your point of interest, it occurred to me that it is me that decided to put my story in the public space and should therefore be prepared for all sort of responses the book will generate. But I am glad that you have given me the opportunity to response to some of the irritating observations or insinuations that you threw up.
The big joke amongst my friends now is that I was and probably still a Slay Queen. Can you beat that? But thanks for the interest being generated. It will definitely lead to sale of the book. Thanks. God bless.
You cited page 275 of the book where I wrote about my realization of the “great family pedigree that I had, and to which I came to realize that I have to live up to”, followed by the next page, 276, where I wrote that “I had to live my life the way I did as a sacrifice to take my family out of poverty. Your question here is:
“Did the great family pedigree you had preclude financial stability?”
Of course, I would have thought that was obvious. As a little girl growing up with a father that died when I was about 7 years old, and my mother leaving me in the care of her elder sister to go to Lagos to eke out a living, what did I know about my pedigree? My mother went to stay with her uncle in Lagos and trained as a typist/stenographer with which she got employment with Palm line Agency in Apapa from where she earned the little income that she sent home for my upkeep. I was not aware of any pedigree. Though I grew up in the great Chief Oki Family who was a Warrant Chief (1808 – 1905) as the Dommaster of the Old Warri Province under the old colonial Administration, it did not put food on the table as at the time I was born in 1952.
My father’s father on the other hand was the founder of the God Kingdom Society, GKS, who had earlier resigned his job as a clerk with the P& T, a highly respected position in those days. When he founded GKS, it is on record that by the time my grandfather owned and drove a personal car in Warri, there were only three roads in Warri.
My father himself, as the first son of the Founder of God Kingdom Society, GKS, was a successful boxer who attended Ibadan Grammar School and became a professional boxer. He fought as a leading boxer in West Africa and was popularly known in Nigeria and the Gold Coast as kidzo Morgan. He died in a boxing mishap in 1961. His own mother was a Princess of the Warri Kingdom and granddaughter of Princess Uwala the daughter of King Akenbuwa the second.
As at the time I was born, my father’s younger brother had just left for England. So, if we want to talk about pedigree, I had them all around me. But how did this put food on the table for me and my younger sibling especially after my father died in 1961.
So, to make this clarification, there was no financial stability in spite of the high-sounding powerful family relationship. My mother had to go get a skill in Lagos to get a job to maintain us. There was no visible assistance from anywhere.
Did you find out how you were related to Bismarck Rewane as his mum warned him when she saw you two together?
Yes, I wrote about the interesting encounter with Bismarck’s mother when she saw us hanging out in front of the girls’ hostel. She warned that we were related. I remember Bismarck asking how is it possible for us to be related. I became curious and when next my Aunty Nade came to visit me, I told her about what Bismarck’s mother said. She now explained that my grandmother who is from the Royal Family in Warri Kingdom is related to the Rewanes who are also descendant of Uwala the daughter of King Akenbuwa, the Olu of Warri.
Invariably, this explained the special interest that Chief O. N. Rewane had in me when I entered Hussey College as he became my father, my mentor, my role model and Rector of Hussey who fired my leadership training by making me a Sports Prefect when I was in form 4, and later Girls Senior Prefect. I can then say that the issue of my (great) pedigree started playing up and I became even more conscious to make a success of my life.
One can easily conclude, after reading your autobiography, that you dated a lot of men. Dating a lot of men is not a complimentary reputation in our society.
I don’t know how you came to this conclusion that I dated a lot of men. I would have loved for us to do a head count of men I mentioned in the book that I dated. They were actually very few considering that I was pretty, and because of my sporting background, every young man I came across then wanted to date me. I succeeded in warding off a lot of men from my life. You can see that you actually contradicted yourself when you after giving me the reputation of dating many men, you went on to say for a girl and woman who so much respected herself and defended her dignity as a woman; a woman who refused to be messed up by men, a practice deeply entrenched in our culture…. That’s who I am, Dr. Mbonu-Amadi – a woman of dignity and self-respect with whom my friends feel comfortable having around their husbands because I am not a promiscuous character. So, you need to clear yourself of the self- invented observations that I dated many men.
To say you were pretty, and because of your sporting background, every young man you came across then wanted to date you is indeed a very valid explanation. Yet, for a woman who so much respected herself and defended her dignity as a woman; a woman who refused to be messed up by men, one would have expected you to bid your time carefully, identify one out of those many, and get married to him or keep him as a boyfriend. That didn’t happen. First, we saw you with Bismarck Rewane (1) under the tree at the entrance of the Girls Hostel at Hussey College. Then we saw Oshiomah Airede (2) of whom you said your friendship did not go beyond holding of hands. But you were to start dreaming of Airede again 50 years later when you turned 67. At the University of Lagos, we also saw you in the stack of hay with Bics (3), “a young, dashing naval officer newly out of the defense academy….” After Bics, you “dated Eugene (4), a fine medical student from Bendel State. After Eugene you started dating Tunde (5), a 300-level Psychology student of UNILAG, whom you “considered then as the love of my life” and who “met all my expectations.” You wrote that Tunde’s flaw was that “he liked women”. After Tunde broke your heart, you “got into a brief disastrous relationship” with someone (6) whose name you didn’t disclose. You wrote of him: “he gave me a dirty slap that flung away my earrings on the ear the blow landed. I was in total shock. He had to be restrained from further assaulting me.” After that disastrous relationship, Colonel Victor (7), a married man, entered. “We had a lot of fun…the relationship continued even up till my Youth Service year in Ibadan, and I remember travelling to Lagos almost every weekend to be with him for the duration of my service year,” you wrote. While still hanging out with Colonel Victor, in Ibadan, you met Goddy (8), a handsome medical doctor and an Urhobo man “who wanted to make” you “join his harem of wives.” You wrote that Goddy “spoiled the possibility of a relationship when he brought up talks of marriage.” You later had a baby for Colonel Victor without getting married to him as a second wife. After that, you “dated Kenneth (9), a long-time classmate of yours “in Hussey College and later at UNILAG.” You travelled from Lagos to Sapele to visit Kenneth. That night in Sapele, Kenneth left you in the cold and went off and spent the whole night with another woman, only to return in the morning, “indifferent to” your “worries” and “tried to bluff his way through.” After Kenneth, Niyi (10), a lawyer, prince and son of a former Chief Judge of the federation, entered. Although Niyi, you wrote, was so full of himself, “we managed to get a relationship going.” After Niyi, “Sonny (11), who” you “eventually had a daughter for” entered. Two, they say, is private; three is public. After this your chronicle of the men you dated, do you still hold the view that the observation by the reader that you dated many men was a self-invented one?
My dear Dr. Mbonu-Amadi, I see that you probably have something about the men I dated including being in the stack of hay with Bics that you are actually listing them out. I don’t think this is all that there is about the book I wrote that contains fourteen chapters. The Punch Editor is actually excited about my account of Nigeria’s commitment to the liberation struggle in Southern Africa during the anti-Apartheid struggle which I recounted in the book… and the wonderful work I did for up to 20 years with my Morgan Smart Development Foundation with the life of youths and women that I touched which the former first lady of South Africa and Chief Onyema Ugochukwu spoke about. And (if) all you can do is count the men I dated, (it) is in very bad taste to say the least.
Please, calm down ma. In responding to my questions, you said: “I would have loved for us to do a head count of men I mentioned in the book that I dated”. I did the head count according to your request.
Dr. Mbonu-Amadi, I have lived a fulfilled life. I might be a slay queen or a husband snatcher, according to your judgement. It just doesn’t matter. I am a fulfilled woman at 70 years, and God has blessed me. To Him I give all the Glory. The 400 copies (of the book) printed are almost sold off.
Research shows it is my review of your book on Vanguard Newspaper that is driving interest in the book, and you even confirmed it yourself when you said at the beginning: “The big joke amongst my friends now is that I was and probably still a Slay Queen. Can you beat that? But thanks for the interest being generated. It will definitely lead to sale of the book.”
Dr. Mbonu-Amadi, the truth is that I wrote my book to capture my story and hoping it will inspire one or two younger ones. I am not intending to be a great writer and make a living from the sale of the book.
Reading page 293, the reader wonders how it was possible that among all the men a tough tigress like you dated, it was a man you described as “unserious” and “irresponsible” that you allowed to get you pregnant outside marriage.
It is very unfortunate that you could come to the conclusion that among all the men I dated, it was the “unserious” and “irresponsible” Sonny that got me pregnant outside marriage (page 293). I have decided to respond to this in spite of sensing some underlying problem you are having with my narrative. Yes, I wrote of my sizzling relationship with Sonnie that involved a lot of partying and he was great fun to be with. When you sleep with a man the chances are there that we can get pregnant. You don’t want to be pontifical and claim that you only get pregnant when you get married. If you are actually interested in doing an objective review instead of being chauvinistic and judgmental, you should have seen where I wrote that Sonnie became so supportive over the years before he died and in my obituary message I said if I really wanted to get married, Sonnie would have been the one I should have married. But at the time I had my daughter I was so career-motivated and impatient that I was able to quickly let him go.
I am sorry ma. But you actually used those two words, “unserious” and “irresponsible” in describing Sonny (see page 293), may be not in the actual meanings of the words, you may say. But you actually used those words:
“Perhaps if I had worked hard on him, he could have given in, but I had my opinion about him not being a serious man, and so I was not going to end up with two babies on my hands, I said to myself.” (p 293).
“Sonny, the last child from a family of seven siblings, was very much indulged by his elder siblings, and this was the irresponsibility that I perceived before he got me pregnant. I decided to go it alone.” (p.293).
At some point, in dealing with the problems that arose between the wife and the married man you slept with and had a baby for, you sounded like one of those ladies whom people call ‘slay queens’ or ‘husband snatchers’:
“I told him to go and beg his wife for forgiveness, since I could imagine his fear of what his wife was going to do to him if she finally learnt about what happened (that you slept with the wife’s hubby and had a baby for him). I cannot but imagine how men think they can take advantage of women and then try to shirk their responsibilities when things like this happen. When you go to bed with another woman, especially as a married man, what do you expect? To eat your cake and have it, too?” (p.300).
Was Dr. Omawumi a slay queen?
Again, trying to insinuate that I sounded like one of those Slay Queens and husband snatchers is using a very wrong word to define a very simple and harmless statement I made in the book. If you have taken the trouble to read the book you would not be taking things out of context. How does getting pregnant for a married man make me a husband snatcher considering that I never had the desire to get married and be possessed by a man? The particular sentence you are referring to did not jump from nowhere. There was a before and an after narrative on this story line. I have already had my daughter and we were back in a relationship and without any intention of getting pregnant, it happened. What next? I already had a child that was giving me so much joy and the idea of having another sounded great. I wasn’t expecting any objection as I wasn’t making any demand. So how did I become a slay queen or husband snatcher as you have labelled me in your review?
No ma. The impression that you were probably a slay queen came from the dialogue you had with Colonel Victor, the married man you slept with and had a baby for. Do you really believe that this married man did something wrong by going to bed with you; but you did no wrong by not only going to bed with this married man, but also having a baby for him?
The post I am not a promiscuous character – Omawumi responds appeared first on Vanguard News.
