Giving head, slobbing on the knob, going down, blowjobs, fellacio — whatever you want to call it, oral sex on penises is a very fun and pleasurable sexual activity.
Moushumi Ghose, MFT, a licensed sex therapist, says that there is a lot of psychological appeal in giving oral sex for penises. There is an intimacy to blowjobs that can make people feel connected and vulnerable. It can also be about service: « Psychologically speaking, folx who like to give blowjobs may also like the act of servicing, as servicing can be highly erotic, » Ghose adds.
For the person getting a BJ, well, it feels amazing. « The head or the tip of the penis has a lot of nerve endings, » Ghose explains. The sensation is quite different from using a hand or inserting it into a vagina. »
But not everyone is a professional blowjob giver (or receiver, for that matter). The good news is that there are simple and easy things you can do to take your blowjob skills to the next level. There’s no « right » way to give a blowjob. Everyone enjoys different things, but there are some tried and true methods that can be helpful for anyone who wants to put a dick in their mouth with confidence.
Source yourself up with educational blowjob videos
There are plenty of amazing resources out there, if you feel like you want some « training » before you jump in. There are quite a few great video platforms, especially. Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist, suggests Sex School Hub, Beducated, or GASM.tv. You can also opt for erotic apps like Dipsea, Ferly, and Emjoy, which have sections with lessons and practical skills too.
For more explicit videos, you can search for erotic performers who offer « how to » content. Check out Jenna Hunt, Sexpert Tayomi, and other creators on porn platforms, as they offer wonderful and straightforward instructions on how to give better blowjobs.
Communicate, communicate, communicate
Communication is key in all things sex. When it comes to oral, both people involved in the play have a responsibility to let each other know what they are and are not into. Not into deep-throating or hair pulling? Make that clear. Want to get some toys in the game? Let your partner know.
« It’s important to give a partner direction on how [you] like to receive oral sex. »
Julieta Chiaramonte, a kink instructor, writer, and sex expert, says that you should let your partner know that you’re very open to receiving guidance. « If [they’re] receiving a blowjob, remember that no one knows [their] penis the way [they] do, » she says. « It’s important to give a partner direction on how [you] like to receive oral sex. »
If something isn’t working for you (or you want more of something), let your partner know gently. It’s entirely possible to communicate without hurting the ego.
You should never feel pressured to give a blowjob. Everyone involved should be enthusiastically consenting to the activity. This means everyone is 100 percent down and excited about the blowjob. Consent is always key.
The wetter the better
Don’t be afraid to put on a show. A huge component of a good BJ is throwing yourself into it and really getting sloppy with it. The wetter, the better. We’re talking spit flying, drooling, makeup melting down your face sloppy. « There is no such thing as too much spit. So let your juices out of your mouth, » says Zachary Zane, sex expert for the queer cruising app, Sniffies.
« A sloppy blowjob can feel super warm, wet, and can actually help you out when avoiding the feeling of accidentally tugging the wrong way, or maybe a little bit of teeth slipped in, » Chiramonte says. She also advises that you stay hydrated throughout the day to make getting all that juicy saliva in your blowjob a lot simpler. A dry mouth = a dry blowjob.
Another option is a flavored lube. You always want to be sure you’re using something sugar-free and free of harmful chemicals, as some brands can be, well, kind of shit. Lovehoney lubes come in a variety of flavors, including cherry. Just be sure you don’t have vaginal intercourse using flavored lubes, as this can be irritating to the vaginal flora and even cause a yeast infection.
And sure, being super slop-tastic won’t be appealing for every single person, but what is appealing is enthusiasm. Being happy, excited, and simply thrilled to have this peen in your mouth. We can all be self-conscious when both giving and receiving oral sex, so being excited and into it makes the experience more fun (and hot).
Start slowly
Rowett says that getting your whole body in on the buildup is key. « Start by teasing him/them. Grind your body against them, give them a body roll, kiss down from the chest or kiss up from the feet, » she explains. « Kiss, stroke, and lick all around [their] body, every so often grazing the dick so that by the time you get there he’s already getting hard in anticipation. »
Then, move onto the penis. « Lick their dick up and down. When their penis is twitching because it’s so hard, start sucking harder, » Chiaramonte says. Focusing on the head of the penis can be particularly pleasurable, as this is the area with the most nerve endings. The underside of the head has a small ridge on it. This is called the frenulum. It’s highly sensitive and many people with penises love to have it licked or stroked. Just be sure to ask if your partner is enjoying the stimulation, as it can be highly sensitive to direct touch (much like the clitoris).
It’s not a mouth-only service
Chiaramonte tells us that this is not just about oral sex. Using just your mouth can make for jaw pain — and honestly, who has time for that? « The key here is matching the pressure of your hand to the pressure of your mouth, so it feels like one fluid motion. When done correctly, your partner won’t even realize you’re using your hands, » she says. « He’ll think it’s all mouth. »
Use your hand to follow the way your mouth is moving. You can try straight up and down or use a twisting, cork-screw motion. Changing up your stroking/sucking style keeps your partner guessing. But remember, if they tell you they’re really enjoying something specific, keep doing that thing.
« The key here is matching the pressure of your hand to the pressure of your mouth, so it feels like one fluid motion. »
You may also want to get the balls into the experience. This will need to be clearly communicated between you and your partner. « Some [people] like their testicles to be sucked or pulled on, but not all people do, so it’s good to ask prior, » Chiaramonte explains. « Some testicles are VERY sensitive, so it does not feel good when [they are] pulled or sucked hard. »
As for the anus, Rowett suggests « either insert[ing] a finger or two in or [put in] a butt plug or anal beads. Just remember to use lube as the anus doesn’t lubricate — and spit is not enough! »
Again this will need to be discussed with your partner, as it’s all about preference. No one should ever do anything they’re not comfortable with. Good sex (and ethical sex, for that matter) must always include consent. Not everyone is into all sex things and that is A-OK.
OK, what about the gag reflex thing though?
You don’t need to deep-throat for a blowjob to feel amazing. Your hand can take off some that length. Do what feels most comfortable for you. With that being said, it doesn’t hurt to make « gagging noises » as a part of your blowjob, as this can be a huge turn on for both your partner and you.
Now, if you REALLY want to deepthroat, Chiaramonte says you can practice relaxing the throat while taking objects deep. For example, she herself would brush her teeth and then, once finished, use the toothbrush to touch the back of her throat to get used to the sensation. This isn’t for everyone, but if it’s important to you, you can make it happen.
You should enjoy it, too
You should give head if you enjoy giving head. « While it’s wonderful to give your partner a blow job and see them enjoy themselves, there is a certain power in learning how to enjoy the blow job for yourself. When you find a way to give a blow job and truly gain pleasure from it, that’s where the magic happens, » Chiaramonte adds.
You should be having fun giving, too. That’s truly the most amazing trick of all. If you’re having a good time with it, it makes everything grand.
